I never understood the kids who liked sour candy. I would always ask them "Why would you want your food to hurt?" And except for that one weird sadomasochistic kid, nobody seemed to be able to give me a satisfactory answer. At least with spicy food, that's just what grows in the parts of the world where they eat spicy food, so they were kind of forced to make it part of their cuisine. But sour candy has no excuse. Sour candy is made in a factory by magical flavor scientists. This is a food* that is specifically designed to hurt the inside of your mouth. I don't get it.
You know what sour candy is for? It's for kids to show off in front of each other. Kids see sour candy the same way college students see shots of vodka. It's not about the taste, it's about showing off to everyone else with how many you can take. We all knew that one kid who would just brag about how he could eat like fifty Sour Patches and be totally fine. These are the children that grow up into frat boys.
I bet if the cigarette manufacturers teamed up with the candy manufacturers, they could kill all of us. Here are two sets of products with no actual redeemable health qualities, but still sell for evident, but incredibly stupid reason. Sour cigarettes. There's your billion dollar idea of the century.
*Well, the word "food" is used rather lightly here. Manufactured candy is technically food in the same way that Iraq is technically a war.
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