Burn the Witch

I think the "Obama is the antichrist" theory is my favorite conspiracy theory ever. It's rare that you get to combine the inane stupidity of conspiracy theorists with the balls-out insanity of religious fundamentalists. Come on guys, if Obama was the antichrist, do you really think he would've run as BARACK OBAMA? Hell no, anything that hurt his chances to become emperor of the universe wouldn't be something he'd probably be doing. The antichrist is supposed to have superpowers, right?* So if Obama was the antichrist, he probably could've gotten the Health Care bill passed a long time ago, right? After all, the Health Care bill is the work of the devil, right? If not, then Obama's deliberately not getting it passed, because he's the antichrist. It can't be both. QED, Obama is either not the antichrist, or fundamentalists need to start supporting Health Care.**

I prefer it when they just go around saying he's the devil. That's a lot easier, isn't it? Yeah, okay kids, Obama's the devil. Now why don't you go outside and play so we can work on grown-up things, okay? None of that crap where we're not entirely sure if the antichrist was even intended to be a thing by the writers of the Bible, or what exactly it is. The devil is the devil. He wants you to sin because he's the devil. Basically, the devil is a massive tool, and probably the most black and white villain of all time. If the Bible was a TV show, people would complain about the bad guy not having any motivation besides "because he's evil".

So yes, Obama got elected president because he's evil. Also, this has nothing to do with the fact that he's black. No sir. That would be racist, and surely Christian fundamentalists are anything but racist, right? Right? Guys?

*I am of course referring to what modern Christians THINK the antichrist is like, not what the Bible actually SAYS it's like, that being anyone who preached against Christianity, or possibly a giant monster. It's not really clear, actually.
**I bet nobody's ever written that sentence before.