First United Church of the Pretty Cool God

When I say "I should start my own religion.", I imagine I'll get some weird looks. After all, we've pretty much run out of plausible-sounding universe-origins and stuff at this point, so any new idea is almost guaranteed to involve some crazy bull about aliens and inner spirits and crap like that. But I think I'm onto something here. The First United Church of the Pretty Cool God.

You see, the idea here will be that we'll all believe in a higher power that isn't a vengeful dick. The Pretty Cool God (PCG) does not turn away anyone. Homosexuals? Of course! The PCG has even suggested he might be bicurious! Female? The PCG is cool with you preaching. He's a pretty cool guy. Race that isn't white? No subtle racist overtones here, no sir! The PCG accepts anybody who just wants to have a good time.

Of course, he has rules. The PCG would really appreciate you not being a massive douchebag, and his churches will all include douchebag rehabilitation centers where you can learn that wearing your pants anywhere near your knees makes you look like a tool. The PCG is against violence in general, but understands that sometimes it is necessary to lay the smackdown when things get a bit too "jackassy". And if you ever even think about starting a war over religion, the PCG will punish you somehow. Probably involving screwdrivers.

FUCPCG will have a neutral position on the Jesus debate. If you want to believe he's the Messiah, the PCG is cool with that, but if that's not your thing, he's all right with you waiting for the first coming if you want. However, you must agree that Jesus, was indeed, also pretty cool and still deserves respect for being so.

Oh yeah, and if you ever attempt to force the PCG's rules into the government, you will be kicked out of FUCPCG. No questions asked.