Pineapple Brand Blog

Have you ever tried talking like somebody from a commercial? It's fun! Of course, your risk of getting punched in the face repeatedly skyrockets, but it can create some fantastic moments if you have friends that don't hate you. Obviously, the first thing you have to do is refer to every brand of product by name. It isn't "popcorn", it's "Orville Redenbacher Brand Butter-Flavored Microwave Popcorn". It isn't "jell-o", it's "Jell-O Brand Flavored Gelatin Product". It just gets better from there.

The next step is to react to every situation as if it was the greatest thing to happen to you all day. Mom just made dinner? "OH BOY! I LOVE HAMBURGER HELPER BRAND MACARONI AND BEEF!" Just finished the laundry? "HOT DAMN! THAT NEW LAUNDRY DETERGENT HAS MADE MY WHITES BRIGHTER THAN EVER! THANKS CLOROX FLAVORED BRAND CLOROX DETERGENT STUFF!" The most exciting aspect is being able to keep a tally of all the weird looks you get from your family. Even better if you do your laundry at a laundromat. The management might even kick you out if you're consistent. And if you forget to pay often enough.

There's also the added challenge of constantly smiling, unless you want to be in a depression medication commercial. In that case, hire somebody to follow you around with a boombox playing sad piano music to magnify your despair. Actually, medication commercials can be fun. If you want to be in a "erectile dysfunction"-related medication commercial, just do something that has absolutely nothing to do with erectile dysfunction. And in front of a mountain. And possibly while riding a bicycle.

My personal favorite is being in a "music compilation album" commercial. Memorize the chorus of a bunch of terrible Top 40 songs, and then switch between them every ten seconds. Bonus points for getting your friend with the cool voice to walk around with you and scream about how awesome the music is and how you can get it for three easy payments of $19.95.