DISCLAIMER: There is a reasonable chance that I may get a few facts wrong in this post. Instead of pointing these mistakes out, kindly look inside yourself and try to figure out why you feel the need to correct irrelevant facts on the internet. Then smash yourself in the face repeatedly with a hammer and do it anyway.
Why do we celebrate Columbus Day? Columbus sucked. Columbus has always sucked. Your grade school teacher lied to you.
First of all, he didn't discover America. Why do we give him credit for that? The Vikings were here before he was, and if you subscribe to the theory that the "Native Americans", as Political Correctness Gone Mad would like you to call them, crossed over to Alaska from Russia, then they "discovered" America. All Columbus did was make the landmass a more widespread fact in Europe. Which turned out to be a really, really bad thing.
You know what's even worse? He didn't even land in what we would now call the United States. What the hell is he doing with his own Monday? He was a selfish bastard who killed a bunch of natives for no adequately explored reason. He was a massive douche! What did he do to deserve a holiday? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Screw Columbus. Why is there no Teddy Roosevelt Day? Teddy Roosevelt was much cooler than Columbus. I'd rather have a Teddy Roosevelt Day. And no, President's Day doesn't count. President's Day is very similar to Columbus Day in that it sucks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAOQtp-3b48&feature=related
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTduy7Qkvk8
Columbus Day is more widely celebrated on the east coast... they even still get the day off. Also, Columbus Day was started by the Knights of Columbus, a group of Italian Catholics who were highly discriminated against in America. It was like the Italian version of Martin Luther King Jr. Day; a way for them to rally together and try to fight the injustice being done. And the Native Americans did travel to the Americas from Asia across the Bering Strait. You are correct that the Vikings discovered the Americas before Columbus.
ReplyDeleteSummary: Columbus sucks. Vikings are cool. Indians/Native Americans/Whatever you want to call them as a whole were also cool.
ReplyDeleteYou know, they've got Columbus's journal. If I remember correctly, one of the entries is all about him raping and killing a native girl. It was pretty graphic, so they gave him a holiday. Meanwhile, Vikings raped and killed all the time, but they weren't so secretive about it. I've gotta go with the vikings here.
ReplyDeleteThe Vikings were dicks, but at least they were honest about it. They wrote songs about it even! Yet they have no holiday (Leif Erikson Day doesn't count). And they had those great hats! (which I'm not actually sure were historically accurate)
ReplyDelete"Pussies don't like dicks!.. because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way, but the only thing that can fuck an asshole... is a dick... with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much, or fuck when it isn't appropriate, and it takes a pussy to show 'em that. But sometimes pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves, because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes. I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, we are gonna have our dicks and our pussies... all covered in shit."
ReplyDeleteI <3 eloquent writing.
^Don't let your parents read that, for my sake.
ReplyDeleteMy mother reads this blog ma'am, but I don't think she reads the comments.
ReplyDeleteIf she does, hi mom!