Please Remove Your Pants

What's the deal with the whole "hats off inside" thing? How is a hat different from any other article of clothing? What if my hat completes my outfit?* I just don't really understand what it has to do with manners. Why is it rude to wear a hat inside? What's disrespectful about that? It's just a piece of clothing. Maybe if I was wearing a hat with "YOUR MOM IS A SLUT"** written on it, that might be a bit rude, but as it stands, I don't really see what the problem is.

I also find it extremely strange that this is so persistent at schools. I mean, school is a pretty casual thing these days, isn't it? I mean, you can pretty much dress like a prostitute and no one will care,*** but we still have to take off our hats when we go inside the classroom. And I just can't figure out why. Out of respect? Respect for who exactly? The teacher? When was the last time we had any respect for teachers?**** Well, I guess the school wants to pretend that we do, which sort of explains it, but what exactly is disrespectful about wearing a hat? Nothing.

Of course, at my school, we aren't allowed to wear hats at all. Because, according to the administration, if you wear a hat, you're in a gang. My fedora clearly marks me as a member of the dangerous "Jazz Enthusiast" gang. Don't hate.*****

*Quite possibly the gayest thing I have ever written.
**Ten bucks to whoever makes this hat and wears it to a fancy gathering. Like a funeral.
***You girls totally do this. Don't deny it.
****I have nothing against teachers. Well, not teachers in general. Most of them put up with a lot of crap for little pay, and the ones who genuinely want to teach children new things are fine by me, but you have to admit that some of them are just freaking sadistic. And I think it's wrong to be forced to respect someone who's just downright evil. Sounds pretty "North Korea" to me.
*****Do you think there are enough footnotes in this one? No? Here's another.