Better Than Formula One Part 3

Did you know that there is such a thing as Olympic Walking? Okay, so it's power walking, which I guess sort of makes sense, but doesn't that just sound really silly? Olympic Walking just sounds like a joke in a black comedy about an incredibly unhealthy future populace.* It doesn't sound right. Seems like a really, really stupid oxymoron. As if there's any other kind.

You know what would make it more awesome? Make it take place in the desert. And be like 100 miles, traveled over the entire run of the Olympics.** We could get all of the film from helicopters and stuff, or possibly just guys in the backs of trucks laughing and throwing things at the athletes while turning up the AC. Just make it the most challenging, balls-to-the-wall event of all time, and then see people's reactions after they had once scoffed at "Olympic Walking".

How else could we accomplish this? Weapons. Yeah, it isn't "Better Than Formula One" without the irresponsible inclusion of knives and firearms. I'm thinking for this, just give everyone one knife. Just a standard dagger.*** Then hide various weapons in separate places throughout the map, like a really tedious first-person shooter. It'd be fun! Give the competitors a choice! Do they focus on combat and try to win by default, or save their energy and attempt to reach the finish line first.

Also, there's a tank hidden somewhere or something. I don't know. I'm sure there are thousands of ways we could go nuts with this.

*Actually, does this exist somewhere? I kind of want to read it now.
** I actually have no idea if walking 100 miles would take that long, or longer, so this distance may need to be adjusted.
*** I'm just assuming you've already guessed by now that they're all allowed to kill each other.