Burning Out

Why do we still use candles? They just seem like a huge waste to me nowadays. Basically what you're doing is taking a piece of wax, sticking a piece of string in it, and lighting it on fire. That just doesn't seem like a well thought-out use of resources to me. And it doesn't produce a whole lot of light, does it? It's just about enough to make it ALMOST impossible to read a book, but not quite. So it's not very efficient, and yet they're all over the place. They sell them by the something funny-load. That's weird to me.*

I don't quite understand scented candles either.** Aside from the fact that they very rarely smell like what they claim they're supposed to smell like,*** have you ever noticed that when somebody ever has them, they always shove them in your face and ask you to smell them? You know why that is? Because you can't smell the damn things from more than one inch away. And even if you could you wouldn't be able to over the pungent scent of beer and decaying food.****

I just think that at the point where we invented lightbulbs, we could have just done away with candles altogether. Sure it's more wasteful,***** but it's also less awesome. And I'm pretty sure that that's what we as a species need to focus on. Pew pew and such.

*Seems like a lot of things are weird to me. I probably need professional help of some kind.
**It was at this point in writing this that I realized that I was writing about scented candles on the internet, and then I felt incredibly gay.
***"OH BOY! Apple pie! (sniff) Why does it taste like plaster and hatred?"
****I dunno, but everyone I know only puts them out for parties.
*****Maybe. I'm not sure how much the material for candlemaking harms.....anything, really. Fact checks are for noobs.