Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I Don't Actually Hate You

I had another weird thought, which is probably good for a website based entirely around weird thoughts (well, that and bitching). Okay, hear me out on this one, because it's a bit out there. Right, so Fundamental Christians hate gay people, right? Yes yes, they're massive dickheads, bear with me. So they claim they do because the Bible says that gay people are evil or something.* Okay, so that's absolutely balls-out retarded, but fine, whatever. Does the Bible not also say that gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins?** Alright then, now I ask you: Why don't Fundies hate fat people?

Going by what we can only strenuously call their "logic", fat people would be like a huge*** evil to them, right? I mean, they're committing one of the deadly sins ALL THE TIME. So why aren't they condemning fat people and saying that they're going to all burn in hell? Oh yeah, because that would be internally consistent, which we obviously can't have.

And if we follow this little disaster train, then I think it would be fun to make a religion that hates even more specific groups of people. Like people who like bowling and people who hate celery. And if questioned, I'll just pull out MY translation of the Bible. And then I'll say God works in mysterious ways and smack them in the face with a cross. That's totally what Jesus would have wanted.

*This may or may not be true, depending on what translation of the Bible you're reading and whether or not you are an unequivocally terrible person.
**I'm actually not sure if the deadly sins are in the Bible, or if they were something that the church came up with later. Hmm...
***Pun not actually intended at the time, but was awesome once I realized that I had made it.

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