Throw Out Your Calendar

Have you ever realized how many stupid things there are on your calendar? And no, I'm not talking about the pictures of penguins that were just HILARIOUS back in December but are now really starting to annoy you. I'm talking about stupid holidays. My primary example has always been "National Corn Dog Day". Yes, that is a real thing. I didn't make that up. But my question is, who DID make that up? And more importantly, how did they get it popularized to the point that everyone knows about it? Like, how would you even go about doing that? I think you'd have to have a LOT of friends. Or a reasonable amount of really influential friends. Maybe the Corn Dog guy knew Micheal J. Fox or something.

So I think anybody should be allowed to make up a holiday. Personally, I'd like to have "Irritation Day", which would occur every February 28th, just because. See there are way too many holidays that are about love. Christmas and Valentine's are both pretty focused on the concept, how about a day to celebrate the opposite? A day to celebrate the deep, primal hatred of your fellow man. A day to punch bullies in the face and light the obnoxious kid from the tech office on fire. The possibilites are just endless, especially the prospect of greeting cards and an Irritation Day Parade.

I'm just thinking maybe we need to shake things up a bit. I mean, we go through the same damn rituals every year, make the same damn jokes out of the same damn rituals every year, and you know what? That's not good for comedy. Maybe that's why the stand-up comedy industry has been so weak lately. Yes, I am suggesting that if there were some new holidays invented, Dane Cook would not exist.* Or at least, he would be funny.

*God, this was such an obvious joke. I suck.