Way More Fun Than Baseball

Pinata's* always sort of disturbed me as a child. Not the ones that were just colorful geometric shapes** with tassels all over them, those were okay. No, the ones that always worried me were the ones shaped like cartoon characters. I never really understood those. It was like "Hey kids! You know Spongebob? Have you ever wanted to smash his stupid face in with a bat until he bleeds candy? You have? You sick bastards."***  Seems like a pretty awful thing to do to your beloved heroes. Of course, I did it anyway, because there was no way in hell I was going to let any of the other kids get candy if I wasn't.

Actually, there are a lot of pretty messed up things about that game. It seemed to be one of the few games deliberately designed to frustrate children. I mean, they blindfold you, and then some smug douchebag keeps moving the thing out of the way. And of course, the other kids are going to make fun of you if you hit it and nothing happens, you weakling. Of course, that would never happen, because the kid who always got it was the little brother or something that didn't have to wear and blindfold, and they just got to beat the piss out of it. They never let me do that.

There is one specific instance I can recall where the game went on for like two hours because the damn thing would not break, even when we got the kid's dad to knock the hell out of it, which must have been pretty damn emasculating. We ended up using a rake instead of a bat, which probably would have been an incredibly satisfying experience for me, but I was, of course, in the back of the line. And it was the class dickhead in the front, as always. Children are cruel.

*Yes, there is supposed to be a tilde over the n. Yes, there is a way to do that with a standard keyboard. No, I do not know what it is. No, I don't feel like looking it up. No, you do not have to comment on this and tell me.
**"Geometric shapes" has always sounded extremely redundant to me. That's like saying "monetary dollars" or "musical songs".
***This was actually the worst for me with Pikachu pinatas. No one messes with Pikachu.