I like when they give kids ribbons for winning stupid crap.* It's a great way to teach them about the harshness of life. "You know what Timmy? Sometimes, you work really hard at something, try to be the very best, and all you get is a stupid piece of cloth with your name on it. Oh yeah, and the stupid kids who didn't work hard at all get them too. And the only difference is yours has a lower number on it, and might be blue if you're lucky. Welcome to reality."
I mean damn, at least you can prop up a trophy on your shelf, or beat someone to death with it, or something. What the hell can you do with a ribbon? I mean, you could pin it to your shirt or something, but they don't even make them like that anymore, as far as I know. And besides, can you imagine what a smug little bastard your kid is going to look wearing that ribbon around? "Oh really? You won the spelling bee? How nice for you. Tell me Timmy, can you spell 'fist'?" And then your kid gets beat up. That is what will happen. Every time. There will never be any other scenario.
Let's just start giving kids crap that they actualy WANT for prizes. You know, RC helicopters and pizza and stuff. Of course, these prizes are usually only given out for stupid things, like those God-awful magazine drives.** If you actually do something of value, or at least of perceived value (i.e: sports), you get a ribbon. Hooray for you.
*Stupid crap here meaning "pretty much any competition they're forcing kids to do these days".
**Actually, these piss me off enough to be worth an entire post. Stay tuned.
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