Monday, October 31, 2011

Boring Size

If things keep continuing in the direction they've been going for tha past few years, in about a decade, Halloween candy bars will be about the same size as ants. You notice that? They keep making those "fun size" bars smaller and smaller. Probably so they can sell just as many bags of them while putting in a lot less of the actual candy. At this point, like half of the net weight is just in wrappers anyway, more so if it's a 3 Musketeers bar, since those things are like 90% air. This would be more of a problem if chocolate weren't so delicious, but unfortunately, we are bound by the cacao bean's delectable chains.

You know, they shouldn't call the little tiny candy bars "fun size". They should make chocolate bars the size of 2x4s. THOSE would be fun size. Especially if you ate the whole thing all at once by yourself, and you had to spend the next nine days puking the rest of it back up into a pail. I think that would be a lot of fun. Certainly more than eating the entire fun size of it in one bite. Or less, really. You can swallow those things whole at this point.

Actually, once you get them out of the wrapper, those tiny candy bars are virtually indistinguishable from those fancy truffles you get in the boxes at expensive candy store. Until you taste them and find out they aren't nearly as well made, but that's what you paid for I suppose.* Seriously, the damn things aren't even rectangular anymore. They're square now. Do your part. Either hand out entire candy bars tonigt, or give every kid like ten of the bastards.

*Not that paying three bucks for one piece of chocolate is reasonable either, but I suppose they'll charge whatever they damn well please if people are going to keep paying for it.

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