Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is all well and good, but I think it's time we set up some more specific ones, and maybe simplifying it a bit. The Male Hierarchy of Needs, if you will. Personally, I think we could narrow it down to the four most important categories: Food, Girls, Sleep, and Video Games. See, because a strong regiment of these four things can solve pretty much any problem you could possibly have. Starving? Food. Well, good food. You know, steak, potatoes, deep-fried boar testicles, all that good stuff. Horny? Girls. And I guess if you're particularly repulsive, you could replace it with "Masturbation". Not companionship, because real men do not feel loneliness, or in fact any emotions at all. Tempted to commit homicide? Just sleep it off man. Sleeping solves pretty much every problem. Even venereal diseases. I know this because I am a doctor. And video games can do whatever you need them to do. They're probably the most important thing on the list.
Okay, so here's the thing. Continuing on with this bit, I'd have to make a "Female Hierarchy of Needs", right? And then I would make a whole bunch of sexist jokes like a hack stand-up comic. And it would be unbelievably offensive. I like that. I like that we, as a society, have agreed that you can say as many awful things about a group that you already belong to as you want, you just can't say it about other people. It's what allows white people to make fun of white people, which is perfectly alright, because white people kind of suck anyway. See? I can do it too.
Although lately, it seems to be "White people can't make race jokes at all, minorities can", which makes some amount of sense, I suppose, but seems a little backwards. Not that it matters, because it's a lot better than the alternative. Which would be offending EVERYBODY. That has it's charms sometimes though.
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