Deep Thought

You know what's fun? Dissecting blatantly rhetorical Zen riddles in an unnecessarily complicated manner. So let's do that.

Is the glass half full, or half empty? Well, that really would depend wouldn't it? Is the glass be filled up, or emptied out. If it's being filled up, then it's half full. If you're draining it, it's half empty. That seems pretty straightforward, right? Unless this is some kind of space-time glass that has constantly existed since the beginning of the universe, and has therefore never been filled OR emptied. And why is this always used to see if someone is an optimist or a pessimist? The riddle doesn't really say what the glass is full of, does it? I mean, a glass half-full of water is sort of a neutral thing, I guess. But a glass half-full of cyanide? Bad thing. Unless the cyanide is being used in, I dunno, a mixture that cures cancer or something. Really, this is a question that is not even close to specific enough.

"What is the sound of one hand clapping?" is an inherently stupid question. It's really more "What the hell do you consider one hand clapping to be?" Is it slapping your fingers against the inside of your palm? Because that sort of makes a sound. A little one. Is it flailing one of your hands around like a complete spaz, pretending that the other hand is there? Because in that case, it's the sound of air pockets and all that nonsense. Again, not specific enough. We have no idea what you want from us, theoretical question asker!

And of course, if a tree falls in the forest, it does make a sound. Or rather, it makes a vibration. Which is a sound. Although it will only actually become a sound when it's interpreted by an ear. So yes and no. Also, why is it always trees falling in forests? Forests are pretty crowded. They're very rarely completely devoid of life. And it's not like trees falling over is the only thing makes a sound in the universe. Broaden your horizons a bit. And hey, what if the tree was in space? No sound there, right? No oxygen. But trees can't grow in space, you insipid clod. Now get back to work.