It's fun to ruin pleasantries. The next time someone asks you how you're doing, be as honest as you possibly can. Or make something up, depending on how good your life is going at the time. You know, because when people ask how you're doing, they don't REALLY care about how you're doing. They're just asking because that's just what you're supposed to do. If you don't, you look like a jackass.
"Hey man, how's it goin'?"
"Terrible."
"Oh that's good, I-Wait, what?"
"I said it's going terrible."
"Uh...why?"
"Well, I've been having a lot of trouble with my bowel movements lately..."
And then keep talking until they want to leave. This works especially well for those people you don't like that insist on hanging out with you. I find it's best to craft elaborate stories about run-ins with prostitutes. Have fun with it, but make sure it's disgusting enough that they don't want to hang around and see how it ends. If they do, stare at them for awhile, then tell them that you'll do the same to them. If that doesn't work, take off your pants. If THAT doesn't work, call the cops.
You know, I say these things like I'm suggesting you do them because they worked for me, but if that were true, I wouldn't have so many obnoxious people in my life. The annoying triumph over the assholes once again.
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