I'm surprised America isn't more into rugby. Or rather, I'm surprised that we're not into rugby at all. After all, it's basically gained status here as "Football, but more hardcore and without all that sissy pad crap", so you'd think we'd be all over it. We're America, dammit! Our country's entire image is all about how goddamn badass we are, and how we're all brutal and could totally take you in a fight. So why aren't we the ones playing the extreme version of the game? What the hell are we, French? I think it's high time we showed those damn commies who's boss.
Furthermore, I think we need to start making water polo a big thing over here. Why? Why the hell NOT? Have you ever SEEN water polo before? It is simultaneously one of the most homoerotic and brutal sports ever, with the possible exception of high-speed downhill naked scrapbooking. This is a game where it is not only allowed, but encouraged, to drown the members of the other team. DROWN THEM. Are you telling me this isn't something rednecks wouldn't totally be all over. You're allowed to shove someone's goddamn head under water and kick them in the crotch, and the ref's not going to know any better because EVERYTHING IS UNDERWATER. Why aren't we playing this all the time?
And hey, what about lacrosse? And I don't mean lacrosse like they play it now, I mean old-style, original, beating people over the head with metal poles lacrosse. That seems like an awful lot like we'd be totally into. It's just like every other sport we have ("shoot the ball into the thing"), only with more sustained beatings with blunt objects. That's how you play, right? No? Well, it should be.
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