Monday, November 7, 2011

This Is the Worst Thing I've Ever Written

I bet I could get people to start eating their own poop if I convinced them that it would help them lose weight. Because as far as I can tell, people will do just about anything if you tell them that it'll make them less fat. I mean, they're already shoving their fingers down their throats to make themselves puked, which is so thoroughly disturbing and wrong that they might as WELL be eating poop. Just a small step man. If you got over the taste of vomit in your mouth every day, you can get over the taste of poop. Believe to achieve.

And of course, they really WOULD lose weight. Mostly do to complete and utter malnutrition, but it would happen. After their body absorbs all the nutrients and the waste is deposited, they can utterly fail in their attempts to absorb it again. Hell, double it and make it like the Grapefruit Diet. Eat nothing but grapefruit, then eat nothing but the processed remains of grapefruit. Boom. Sexy bikini body. For one week, before you drop dead from the lack of iron. And protein. And pretty much everything else. You know you want to.

And just think about all the problems it would solve! Okay, so it's really only two. First, we could curb the population a bit. Well, before the lawsuits start pouring in, but I bet I could win that case if I got a really good lawyer. Clever advertising and some manipulation of facts could mean I NEVER LIED. Second, we could curb the stupid population a bit. You fell for the "eat your own poop" theory? Well, you're dead now. Everything just got a whole lot roomier.

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