Tuesday, November 22, 2011

You Are Not Tom Cruise

I think it's funny how most of the people who are "preparing" for the "zombie apocalypse" are exactly the sort of people who are probably going to be dead within days if something like that actually happens. I mean, here we have a whole bunch of geeks* who, for some reason, think that they'll be part of the few people who gets to stay alive, holed up inside a house, looting stuff and killing zombies all day. And frankly, it belies an incredible amount of rampant egotism in the geek community. "Well of COURSE I won't be turned into a zombie. I'm too SMART for them, and I wouldn't follow the CROWD like that." Alright Melvin, let's see how much your A in AP Chemistry is going to help you when there's one hundred shambling corpses tearing your arms off. Let me know how it goes.

Really, zombies are just a way for hipsters and other people who reject the mainstream just because it's the mainstream to convince themselves that they're better than everyone else. They'll always say that they're going to be sticking it out in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, but no one ever seems to point out the fact that, for someone to be alone, fighting zombies, the majority of the population also has to die. And what makes you think you're going to be one of the people who don't? You won't be. You know who will? People with a lot of money who can build enormous shelters. People who live in cabins in the middle of nowhere who already have real survival skills. You and your stupid ironic t-shirt will join the ranks within the first week, and you know it.

Personally, I'm hoping we all go out at the same time, and not just the planet. Just some universe-wide destruction thingy that kills all lifeforms at once. Admit it, it would make everything way less awkward. And then we'll all get to actually collect on all those bets about the afterlife. Or is that just me?

*Not taking a knock here, because I'm certainly one too, but I also try to be realistic.

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