I'm really excited for when the really hardcore (read: stupid)* animal rights people start protesting the abuse of insects. That seems only fair, right? And think about all they places they could go with that! I mean, we kill millions of the little bastards every day, sometimes without even knowing it. There's a reasonably-sized industry focused entirely on buying and selling crickets to feed to pet lizards. Really the possibilities are endless. Stop insect abuse!
But hey, why stop with insects? Surely we could get indignant about the abuse of bacteria or viruses. Well, viruses aren't really technically alive, but that shouldn't matter. They have feelings too. And just because bacteria don't have brains doesn't mean your hand sanitizer doesn't make them cry you know. They're people, just like us. They have dreams and children and we're destroying them. Truly we are the real monsters.
Of course, none of this will really happen. And do you know why? Because they aren't cute. And animal rights activists aren't concerned with helping animals that aren't cute. That's why we get to eat fish without and screeching, but not whales. Fish aren't cute. They got freaky eyes and don't have lungs. Whales have lungs.
*Yes, I am pro-animal rights. No, I am not pro-PETA. Because they're dickheads.
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