Boo, and All That

I don't believe in ghosts. However, I do believe that the world could benefit from having more haunted places. And none of that sissy crap where the furniture occasionally moves a couple inches to the left during the night or the sauce pans rattle menacingly whenever you accidentally disturb the fragile balance of the universe. All that stuff can usually just be attributed to mischievous pixies, and as long as we're in fairytale land, we might as well go with the cool mythological creatures. I want giant houses with evil specters floating around and totally ruining everything. You know, popping out of closets, possessing people, possibly obtaining one of four elemental powers and using them to battle you in the first boss room. That sort of stuff. I wouldn't want to live there, but imagine all the awesome bets we could make with that sort of material. I just got to figure out how exactly I'm supposed to make ghosts. Give me a couple minutes with some unsuspecting victims and some Satanic implements, I bet I could figure it out.

Stage two of my master plan to make the world considerably more awesome involves sending a group of scientists in to try to catch the ghosts. I'm not sure if my fantasy universe ghosts are intangible or not, so I guess the scientists should be provided with some kind of energy weapon. I don't know, science is complicated. Then we have them film the whole expedition, and at that point, it really doesn't matter whether or not they fail, because we totally just proved that there's an afterlife. I expect mass suicides for people who want to haunt their ex-girlfriends. If I die and find out that I've become a ghost, I'm totally going to start terrorizing the homes of people I didn't like. And telling them that it's their fault.

I haven't actually come up with a stage three, but I'm probably going to try to find a way to communicate with the dead. Then I'll revive all of the Beatles and have them perform a concert, while somehow also saving Christmas. Because let's be honest here, it really isn't Christmas without the tortured spirits of dead rock stars.