Burn Them All Alive

This is going to be a less disturbing than the title would imply. Maybe.

I bet people wouldn't be so excited about being able to eat lobster and crab if they didn't look so terrifying. Now, I'm not going to go on some vegetarian rant about how humans are the devil because we eat meat, because I'm not a vegetarian. The thing is, we're usually averse to eating animals that look weird. I mean, cows and pigs are pretty standard looking. There's nothing particularly jarring about cows and pigs. But if some guy was all "Here, eat this Madagascan lemur", you'd be all "Dude, no, that's nasty". Or maybe you wouldn't say it like that. I don't know how you talk. Anyway, I think lobsters and crabs sort of crossed that line twice. Lobsters and crabs are so freaky-looking that we're perfectly okay with dropping them into vats of boiling water for the sake of nutrition. If crustaceans looked like tiny cats, but tasted exactly the same, no one would eat them, because that would just be weird. Well, maybe the Chinese would.

I also like how crab is one of the few foods that you have to put a considerable amount of effort into eating. You can't just put a whole bunch of crab legs in a bowl and gnaw on them while you sit on the couch and watch Star Wars. Well, I guess you could, but you'd get crap all over your face and your wife would probably leave you. Also, you'd break all your teeth, but those aren't important anyway. Point is, it almost seems like it was designed to be an effort vs. reward thing. Crab is a much, much larger pain in the ass to eat than chicken is, but crab is far more delicious. Creationists should start using that. "God made crabs delicious because he hates people from Maryland."

I do like how most places that sell lobster let you pick out which one you want them to burn and maim horribly. You know, as if it's going to make any difference. "Oh yeah, I'm definitely going to have to take that one. That one looks good." It's like trying to differentiate between...individual lobsters. Seriously people, what?